Foreword: Memoirs of an Aspiring Actor
1. The Early Years: 'I was an only child. You see, they achieved perfection first time round'
2. An Actor's Life for Me: 'It is purple on the green below'
3. You're in the Army Now: 'Hands off your cocks and on with your socks!'
4. Civvy Street: 'You're not that good, so smile a lot when you come on!'
5. The MGM Years: 'Is his cock all right?'
6. The Warner Years: 'Please, mush, any mush'
7. Enter the Saint: 'You say, "Ladies and Gentlemen ..." and then you're humble'
8. The Persuaders: 'You can't sell a programme with me in, it's immoral'
9. And the Word was Bond: 'There's only one thing I hate more than alligators'
10. Elementary, Dr Watson: 'Say the marks and hit the lines'
11. It's Bond and Beyond: 'Well, we shall air our crotches'
12. A Farewell to Bond and Niv: 'You wanna be careful, mate, your lot are dropping like fucking flies'
13. Taking Stock: 'I'd gladly piss in your ear any time'
14. The Health Scare: 'In Kristina I had found my soul mate and it has made me happier than words can ever express'
Around the World in Eighty Years: My travels with UNICEF
The End...: ... and with thanks
